They who made that night an inspiration :)

Friday, 30th April 2012 Just lately i have been slapped by the waves of giving up... having feeling dreadful every second i am at my office desk. Cursing each moment wishing I was back in Semenanjung... Friendship being shattered, love life... well there was none to begin with anyway, that's the problem.

 But they bought back the smile on my face. They dedicated sweet songs to me, sweet speeches, they made me smile, laugh, almost cried and they made me feel love and appreciated. They are my students :) They made tonight an inspiration. They made me remember why I became a lecturer. If only they knew how deeply they touched my heart.

 Today was supposed to be a small event to fullfill the requirements for Softskill mini-project. And they did it well. Putting aside conflicts and drama, they managed to launch a beautiful dinner party and dedicated songs to each other. (and to me...!) Overall they did beyond expectation and i would proudly congratulate each one of them and proudly announce to the world that these are the students under my PA supervision... My beloved anak-anak PA....

 Funny how you put so much thoughts in the wrong thing only to realize it was not what you need. Funny how you put so much love in things you should have never given attention to. Funny how they who love you don't realize the impact they made in your life and even if they do, they still don't know how much. God has a way of healing a broken heart. And in my case, it's my beloved students. And I wish and pray them the best they could ever have.

"Kami sangat bangga dan happy dapat join DKA 3B dan dapat PA yang sporting..." God bless tonight :) I am happy.

Can You Believe It's 2012???!!

Believe it. 2012 is here. According to the Mayans, this is the final year. Of earth.

Sometimes I wish Nostradamus is still alive to actually explain what they meant by "the end".

I suck. As a blogger. and everything else. My resolution was supposedly to "blog" more. Well we live only once and this is one way of staying alive forever. I even have a diary that was last updated in September last year.

January has been evil. I had the worst cramps, toothache, backache and knee-ache. I feel my body is decomposing and nothing I can do about it. I drank so much milk that it has actually started to taste like paper. That's just physical pain. Mentally I was pressured by too many friends' engagements and weddings that it actually reminded myself that I AM FRICKEN 28 next WEEK AND WHY THE HELL AM I STILL SINGLE???

I am not one to pathetically shower myself with self defeating questions such as "am i too ugly? am i too loud? am i not pretty enough? am i not good enough? am i too dark? too fat? too moody???" or to grow a tree of ego and bitterness with "oh i'm too picky... he's not good enough for me... he's too short, too poor, too gay... it's not that noone wants me, it's just I'm too good for anyone..." I am just really tired of the same pressure each and every year and this year I decided to not frickin care. My time will come and even if it doesn't, who cares? i got my dream job. move on.

Anyway, besides looking forward to be a 28 yr old single woman, life has been pretty awesome. I live like 50000 miles away from my family. I'm not complaining coz I stick to the fact that after 18, you're better off apart unless fighting with your mom over the TV remote turns you on. But do I miss them? of course I do. But this is the moment to find myself, live independently and give myself the chance to be a housemaker. Which i think I'm failling coz I SUCK AT COOKING! (but think positive, I clean the house like a pro :)

Friends have been awesome so far. Honestly, this is the longest I have been friends to the same people. Looking at my past life, most friends would be biting my head off and stabbing my back by now. But I have awesome people I hang around with. Love could be somewhere among them but shoved to the side due to my inferiority complex. Silent heartbreaks, loud laughter... Ahh... so much to live for.

Lyra is still a long way to go. And for how things are I guess it's still a long way to go times 4. She'll arrive on angels' wings in due time. I just wish the due time will be sooner. It breaks my heart to fall in love with other peoples' babies. But I'm not ready to settle down with anyone. I just want to be with he who I have heart for...

So yeah, 2012 has been a crazy journey of patience and bitter experience. I just hope February would be less of a heartache :)

And holy crap this is supposed to be a blog not a diary!!! Eeeek...! Excuse my drama I'll be back for normal stuff next entree. BRB.

Miss Anne : Welcome Semester 3!!!

Welcome December 2011 session... The third chance to make a lecturer of myself. It has been a pretty good year. Workwise... I'm still loving what I do, having escaped from the risk of being mentally and physically harrassed at the old job. And this is my third semester in Politeknik Kota Kinabalu. And a LOT have changed.

I'm no longer the Boss's daughter. Papa transfered to Shah Alam about 2 months ago. I actually survived 2 months living with my brother already. Life has been fun. I have good friends and good students. Oh and a lecturer of mine from my previous institute (Politeknik Port Dickson) transfered here, making things better so far. By better I mean having someone familiar around is a positive thing. Do I miss the attention and respect? Yes. But thanks to my superb friends, these 2 months have been a slippery ride of fun and joy. And i guess it's time to return to normalness and do what I'm here for.

I wish I can apologize to my students for my lack of commitment this semester. I know I was a bitchy lecturer first semester around having half of my students population hating my guts. I was a laugh-a-lot lecturer last semester, having to have taken my students to watch a movie and karaoke for the heck of it. Oh and not forgetting giving my students a chance to sing and act as a class project. But this semester had a rough start. I found myself too busy for classes and i became less organized due to numerous paperwork. And this week is the time to start managing my time for myself and make some effort to be a good lecturer.

As a side dish, I'm a discipline officer, a club advisor and a 5S (insert english word for penyelaras here) all in a bowl. I dropped the Exam officer job basically coz of the faltering teamwork and I always find myself lost and fighting battles by myself. Nothing against the people in the unit. It's just that, the job itself sucked. I got my experience and miserable moments and time to let certain things go while i have the chance.

As for classes, I'm teaching diploma levels now. Semester 3 and 6. So basically smart ass kids who don't know the use of their intelligence yet. And I still have the weakness of not being able to remember who is who. Yeah I need to start memorizing students' names now. There's an area I have to improve.

Being a lecturer is not just about preparing lecture notes and powerpoint slides to impress your students, but it's also about being sincere in all that you do. Be generous and patient and all things will fall right into place. A little time, a little dedication and you will get the most awesome gift in your life : loved by your students.

I am Anne. I am a lecturer. And I love my job. :)

Panda love, Anne <2

Ah.. been a long time...

This blog was never meant to be for the public. It's just something personal that I enjoy doing. yeah back in school i was crazy about writing. to the extent (sp?) of making short stories and novels which i found them now hilarrious and ridiculous. But that was the memory of my childhood. I had spent most of my years living in writings instead of reality. Then after internet, of course everything became online and reality got worse.

Anyways, it has been half a semester since i got my new bunch of classes to teach. This semester everything isnt as bad as last one. I finally found myself more in control of my anger and I learned that kids, no matter how hard or loud you yell at them, never really care that you did. So I decided to be a calm version of me. Yeah hell I was annoyed by some direspectful attitudes but i keep myself reminded that these are just youngsters who are still searching for the type of human characters they want to be. In other words, noobs in the real life.

Semester break is over. I'm back to lecturing. Somehow around 10 days of being AFW, I noticed myself being lazy and disconnected from what I love doing. I miss the workaholic me. I miss being the "Miss-I-Want-To-Impress-Everyone". At this very moment I need to find the correct tune to start kicking ass at work again.

What A Crazy Semester!

So it's been officially 6 months since i became a noob in this new place, new job, new environment and it's been a rollercoaster ride of stress, excitement and challenge. But i am loving it. Looking back to my previous job where i had to do (mostly nothing) but stand under the murderous glare of the sun, being yelled at by architects and clients and rushing here and there through the mind-killing traffic jamn (however u spell it), i am glad i am where i am now. After talking to an ex-colleague from ex-work, i feel deeply sorry for those who are still floating around there, not knowing where to go and what to do. I am lucky. :)

Yeah i had a fight with a student who claims me being "biased". It took me down for a few days, wishing there was something i could do to make everyone happy. But i realized there's absolutely nothing i can do to satisfy EVERYONE so i just moved on, thinking that it's just ONE student. Okay, maybe 2. But meh, life is about improvements. I heard a friend once said that "life is 2 options, accept or change" So I accepted what i couldnt change (students' annoying attention whoring attitude) and I changed what I couldnt accept (being hyper sensitive about what people think about meh) and now all is well in the whole crazy student drama area.

I committed some minor mistakes which left me sleepless for a few nights. I went and fixed it one day and realized it was a minor fixable (barely can call a problem) issue. And i realized that it's not that hard to just face your troubles at this job. They don't expect perfection. They know you're human. And I am happy for that. I am given the chance to learn from my mistakes. And improve.

Teaching is what i have always loved to do. Yeah, sometimes it's like a duck talking to a bunch of chickens (it's so hard to understand Sabahan dialects!) and i always find my students either dozing off in class or texting their boyfriends, but it's the challenge! I try my best to teach them whatever crap they need to know, basically based on my crazy life experience as an "engineer" (barfs) for as long as they are interested to know. And it's cool that my colleagues are always offering help.

I think, life is good. I have space for so much more. Thank you God, for granting my wish and making this 6 months a wonderful journey. Cheers!

Panda Love,
Anne <3

Monthly Staff Meeting - April 2011

This is me grinning like a monkey. Today's event kinda picked up the pieces from the last one. I couldnt feel more proud to have (noobishly) represented my department in co-hosting the monthly staff meeting today. Yes. still the same partner, the one with the (teeny, tiny, disposable) crush. -checks FB friendlist to ensure the safety of this post- (surprising idc)

Anyways, everything went on smoothly. I saw for the very first time some teamwork and effort from my fellow colleagues, making everything organized and brilliant. From awesome slideshows to cutesy decorations and adorable doorgifts. Kudos...! Yeah there were some mistakes here and there but they were minor and fixable. At the end of the day, I got up feeling super happy and surprisingly satisfied. And i am still grinning for some reason ;)

Being a part of a succesful event boosts some spirit for me to keep doing what I love. Guess I am contented with how things are in my life. Cool friends, awesome job (tiring, but awesome) and a hope that love is out there :) Guess the sleepless nights are worth the trouble. I can now sleep until Sunday.

Just need to get some things out from my head (or not):D

"For my dreams, i hold my life. For wishes I behold my nights."

Invention and Innovation Competition Dec 2010 Session

One of the exhibitions for the Invention and Innovation Competition. I think this won overall. Something about creating an alarm system for motorbikes. Forgot the details.

Today my dept organized the invention and inovation competition. Overall it was lame as predicted. Lack of coorperation from the comittee members, lack of communication and a lot of awkwardness. I was the MC for the ceremony. Well, one of the MCs. My partner, R is a bachelor of my dept. Scrape that. R is "The" bachelor for my dept having to be the only one still eligible. At least that I know of. But it sucked coz between me and him was a huge hole of awkward silence that no matter how many times i tried to break, remained the same.

I actually expected more hardwork and more contribution from the staff, but all that happened was people acting shy, hiding behind each other, students walking all over the place, contestants getting lost and nowhere to be found, last minute plannings and the whole failure drama fell in the hands of the MCs for the morning. Sucking all the humiliation (and some guts), i think I managed to give a lot. What bothered me is how I almost fell asleep downstage. Why? coz of the tension there that can be cut with a knife. I know i must have fallen asleep for at least 30 minutes. It didnt help that one of the reason for the awkwardness is that I had a little (tiny, teeny, disposable) crush on my partner. What? he's cute! But I think I managed to let that go, having to learn that there are more cougars around waiting to pounce on him and I don't really like competition.

Anyways, despite managing to look hot (at least I think so) in my new dress, I wished the event never happened. I was expecting something grander, it was my chance to outstand. Kinda tired of being known as the director's kid and not having an oppurtunity to stand on my own feet. (I was a national Public Speaking champion for god's sake!) I hope my dept or the whole institute gives me another chance to show my talents of hosting a program (without being tied to a script i didnt write) and kick some audience arses.

Panda love, Anne <3